As the creator of Chakrubs, I have dedicated the last 9 years of my life to bring this vision of crystal healing through sacred sexuality into the world.
The birth of Chakrubs coincided with my own inner rebirth. The call to come home to myself is what fueled my inspiration to bring the then unknown concept of crystal pleasure wands for healing into life.
This is my story and the coming home to the music behind Chakrubs.
Music was a strong element to my family’s life.
My mother was a classically trained pianist and was the neighborhood piano teacher. As a baby, my mother would hold me on her lap while she taught lessons in our garage that was converted into a music studio.
Around the time I was 4 years old, my mother began having out-of-body experiences that compelled her to completely change the course of her music. She bought a synthesizer and began making electronic music every night based on the messages that came through these experiences.
My mother encouraged me to see the piano as a way to process emotion. She had the wisdom to deter me from following the same path she followed through strict classical training. As I grew older, the piano grew more and more into a source of nurturing love. I don’t play the piano – I converse with it.
I often doubted my talent with piano, partially because I had lacked the kind of discipline that “true” pianists have. I fell in love with the theatre and acting and soon earned a scholarship to a performing arts school. But in school, I found myself cutting theatre to write songs and play the piano in one of the backrooms.
Music and acting were my life. My love for both led me to move to Los Angeles in my early 20’s to pursue them as a career.
But there was a huge weight behind my desired expansion.
My boyfriend of 6 years was with me. Though I wasn’t aware of it at the time, the relationship with him was sexually and emotionally toxic. I felt myself moving through life drained of energy and living in a haze. I was active in my pursuits to grow my music and acting career, but nothing was happening or sticking. I couldn’t see at the time how all the pieces were related. Fortunately, a day came when I was awakened.
It started with the realization that a quarter of my life (at most) was through and I wasn’t enjoying sex. In fact, I felt completely numb to it and in turn numb to all of life around me. Over time, I had disassociated from myself to become completely possessed by my boyfriend. Subconsciously, I had been learning that my body was meant for his enjoyment and my pleasure was inconsequential.
I was done taking a passive role in my life and wanted to be active and energized by how I related to the world. I had to change my relationship to sex and myself. Sexuality being the most intimate part of myself, felt like the most intuitive starting point.
After making some big changes like working for an adult toy store and moving deeper into my spirituality, I came up with the idea for Chakrubs. Crystal pleasure wands were my answer to the problem I faced – I wanted to enjoy intimacy but in order for me to do that I didn’t only need pleasure – I needed to connect to who I was before my boundaries were broken.
I created Chakrubs because I knew that if I needed this then others would too.Through this digression, I was brought back to myself. It’s the most divine way I’ve ever gifted myself love in this lifetime.
Now, I’m at a point where I’ve worked with Chakrubs for many years. I’ve been dedicated to my own practice and method for healing. Working with Chakrubs, I have become completely filled with the true essence of me. It’s the most magnificent feeling to have released all the blocks I had accrued preventing me from feeling this sense of personal freedom I feel so often now.
For me, this is the ultimate Chakrubs testimonial. This is what happens when you put the time into yourself. I’m so dedicated to this belief and idea that self pleasure is a window into the soul. If you take the time to do this work, this is what happens.
Of course, the journey never ends and there will always be more to uncover. But I now understand and respect the process it takes to get there.
And now that I’ve come home to myself, I’ve returned to my music. I’m ready to release my full expression.
My debut album This is a Spell is being released April 22, 2021.
I was able to complete this project because of the inner work I’ve done. It also holds within it all of the new mysteries and lessons that I face.
The word “spell” has a double meaning. A spell can be a certain period of time where you’re sick or under the influence of something. But it doesn’t last forever. Just like the period of disconnect I felt during my journey that I have passed through.
A spell also holds the meaning of feeling into a magical state. Often caused by words or vibrations. That’s the state that I was in when making these songs.
It’s not the end of my healing journey. It’s not the end of any of this. It’s just the new unfolding of myself and my life that Chakrubs has so lovingly supported me through.
Thank you for believing in magic with me. Thank you for loving yourself enough to choose healing. Thank you for reading my story.
My hope is that This is a Spell is for you. My hope is that it can be another source of healing and magic for you, the same way the process of creating it has been for me.